Marissa turned her head numerous times and not one ping from her stolen I-phone could she hear. She was almost sure she knew who had her phone. He had tried to pick her up twice. She was sober enough to remember a slight tug from her coat pocket where her phone had been. Now she was sure it rested snugly in his pants pockets. There were no real identifying marks or labels to show that her cellphone belonged to her.
"If you like I will steal your phone back for you."
"Excuse me!" Marissa said looking to both sides, seeing nothing.
"Down here. On the bar, next to your glass and don't scream."
Marissa was high enough not to scream, but she was able to gasp and gasp she did, politely covering her mouth while staring at the blue-tailed skink gently tapping her glass with his blue tail.
"Either I'm drunker than I know or you asked me a question."
"Well," said the skink, "You're not that drunk. My name is Randy, and I'm still waiting for your answer."
"And how are you going to get back my cell phone?", Marissa asked.
"Oh, very simply. The dolt has it in his pocket. You're going to stand next to him, drop me in his coat pocket, and, when I push the phone up you will take it and if you wish you can say something nasty while I jump onto your pants. Mission accomplished".
With a degree of malevolence and far more repugnance than Marissa wished to show, she cupped Randy in her palm with his tail hanging down between two fingers she walked and stood beside the man she knew had her cell phone.
"Shmuck, give me my cell phone, and there will be no repercussions. Don't, and there will be a terrible price to pay.", Marissa said with far more bravado than she felt.
"Fuck off bitch," he said as Marissa dropped Randy into his coat pocket.
With little effort, Randy positioned himself under the phone and pushed up. As the top of the I-Phone raised above the coat flap, Marisa palmed it and dropped it back into her pocket. Just as the thief, whose name was Tom, realized he lost the phone he roughly gripped Marissa's arm.
"Let go, asshole, because I am about to yell RAPE!"
And with that warning, Tom was out the door.
"I hope you go to hell for that you asshole" Marissa mumbled.
Randy, who was comfortably holding onto Marissa's skirt asked, "Do you mean that?"
"Absagoddamnalutely blue butt." slurred Marissa.
"Poor Tom just drove his car into a dump truck. Pity.", said Randy.
'Ya know, blue butt, your personality is growing on me. How about you come home with me. I'll make you a little bed".
"I'll sleep at the bottom of your bed. I'm cold blooded, so I need warmth. In fact, I'll probably lie on your foot so I can stay warm. If you can't handle that, I'll be on my way."
"I just told you, blue butt, you've grown on me. My foot it is but no higher. Do we have a deal."
"We certainly do," said Randy.
And with that, the strange pair drove to Marissa's apartment. On the way home, they passed the hulk of a newly burned out car.
Randy perched slightly above Marissa's knee during the ride to her apartment. Once they passed the burned-out car, the drive was uneventful, and Marissa was not very talkative. Randy spent much of his time grinning over his new nick-name. "Blue Butt" he chuckled. "I've been called much worse he snickered. It was impossible for Marissa to hear the lizard chuckle. Perhaps if she had, she might not have liked it. Marissa pulled into the parking garage and drove to the third floor. She found a parking place very close to the walkthrough, killed the engine, gently cupped Randy and dropped him into the right breast pocket of her blouse.
"OK, blue butt, next stop Marissa's bedroom" she guffawed. "Whoever thought I would bed a lizard?"
"Who indeed" laughed Blue Butt.
"So, I have acquired a lizard with a sense of humor?"
"Actually you have, and, Marissa, before we sleep, I need to tell you some things that are very important for you to know."
OK, but let me get undressed and into my nightgown and please, please Randy keep in mind I work so I can't stay up too late talking. Kapish?"
Randy looked at her face and it seemed to her he was totally fixated on her eyes.
"If I didn't know better, Mr. Blue Butt, I would swear you are leering at me. It is making me a tad nervous."
"Lizards can't leer. You are also fully clothed, and even if you were totally naked, I don't have the parts for you and you do not have the parts for me. If you sleep naked, I really don't care."
Marissa stepped into the bathroom and came out wearing a see-through, mauve colored pajama top. If Randy found it inviting or boring, he said nothing. Once she sat on the bed, Randy jumped on her leg above the knee and tried to make himself comfortable."
"Marissa, you don't have to work anymore."
"Oh wow!" Marissa guffawed. "King Blue Butt is going to treat me like a queen and give me everything I desire, right?"
"That's already been arranged for you. Please don't treat me like an inept turd. Remember the idiot in the bar."
Marrissa shuddered. "Jesus fucking Christ I forgot about that."
"So, said Randy, "Before I tell you what you get from this relationship let me tell you what you are giving to me. You are my protector. You bring me with you when you travel. You give me a small dish of water. You leave me out some vegetables and small pieces of meat occasionally which will provide my nourishment. At night, when we sleep, we sleep together. I am cold-blooded, and I need warmth to regulate my temperature. I am going to sleep on your tummy. It is warm. I weigh very little, so you won't even know I'm there until you wake up in the morning and I jump off your tummy. I can tell you are a bit nervous and a tad antagonistic but Marissa, just deal with it because what you get is an excellent tradeoff for what you are giving."
"Yeah blue butt, what am I getting?"
Marissa could have sworn she saw his lips curl into a cruel little smile but she knew lizards can't smile, so she just swallowed a nagging fear and thought she was silly. Besides, she thought, if he really annoys me I can swat him like an overgrown fly......Splatto!
"What you are getting, Marissa is a new Marissa. You can do and be whatever you like. For example, in the morning you are simply going to go into your office whenever you wish and quit your job. You don't need to work anymore."
"And what, Blue Butt, do I use for money?"
"Money, as you need it, will be either in your pocket or in your purse."
"This is a joke, right? I'm going to wake up, talking to myself, and I will have a horrible hangover."
"You may indeed have a horrible hangover, Marissa, but everything I tell you is true. I know you are going to wake up on time for work and you will get dressed for work so, make a small modification. Drive to a restaurant and get breakfast. You have a credit card in case I've lied to you and as soon as you order breakfast look in your pocket. And remember, what works for breakfast works for clothes and things....all the things you need and want. Just leave me some water and some food and go spend some money tomorrow, Marissa. I am tired let's go to bed."
"OK," she said. "Tomorrow is going to be fascinating."
"For you, perhaps."
Marissa pushed herself under a sheet and Randy climbed from the lower sheet, wriggling up her leg to her tummy.
"You are really tickling me." Marissa giggled.
Randy turned, so his head faced down with his tail facing her chin and laid quietly waiting for lizard sleep to overtake him. He smelled the faint scent of musk which he, like all lizards, loved and soon he slept warm and very secure.
The alarm rang promptly at seven and Marissa leaped out of bed propelling Randy straight up into the air. He came down clamoring with all four feet to gain a foothold with his tail whipping through the air acting as a rudder. If Marissa could have heard him, she would have been shocked at his knowledge of common vulgarity. By that time she was in the shower singling at the top of her vocal range while Randy was having his sip of water and a nibble of ground beef from last night that Marissa had put out for him.
Marisa was dressed and running a brush through her hair. "Randy, you can certainly come if you wish."
"No, Marissa, I shouldn't go. You need to see how this works for you when you are not around me."
He had just finished that sentence when Marisa, car keys in hand, was out the door headed towards her car.
Her first stop was a charming upscale bistro for breakfast where she had an omelet cooked with gouda cheese and three slices of buttery avocado on top with a side order of crispy bacon and a wonderful butter croissant plus three cups of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee. The bill came to twenty-five dollars and change. In her purse, she found three ten dollar bills and a one dollar bill. She left them all on top of the check and left the restaurant. "Wow, even the tip" she mumbled under her breath. "Randy, you are indeed my angel."
From the restaurant, she drove to the Real Estate agency where she worked. She told her boss, Eva, she had heard from her mother's doctor in Austria that her mother was dying and she would be flying to Germany that evening and would not be returning to America. That allowed her to collect her salary, and her benefits and to leave her place of employment under the best of circumstances even though her mother had died five years ago in an airplane crash in Idaho.
From the Real Estate office, she drove to the most upscale Mall in town where she seriously updated her wardrobe to the tune of forty-three hundred dollars. She found a black, American Express Centurian card in her wallet and used it with a flourish. When safely back in her car she called the number on the back of her card and learned she had no credit limit and the account was billed to a banking house in Japan.
To test the power of the black card so comfortably nestled in her wallet, she drove to the closest Lexus dealer and purchased an LS 460 for seventy-five thousand dollars using the black card. Excluding the time spent on the test drive, the car was purchased in less than fifteen minutes.
On the way home, a very tired Marissa stopped for a bottle of Champagne and then drove home to drop all the packages on her bed. "I bought a lot of clothes and a car. I'm exhausted. But, I am in love with a lizard. You are indeed a lovely wonderful critter. Do you like champagne?"
"No, Marissa, I can't drink alcohol."
"Well, how about if I call for a large meat and veggie pizza which I will have with the champagne and you can have it with a bit of water, and then we can go to bed. It's already nine at night. I have had a very long, exhausting day."
She pulled out her cell phone, and the pie was scheduled to arrive in thirty minutes.
Marissa stood up, pulled down paper plates and a wine glass for her champagne and a small dish to hold water for Randy and minimally set the table. When the pizza came, Marissa put two slices on her plate and one big slice on Randy's dish. She filled a shallow bowl with tepid water, and they sat down to eat. Randy crawled on the plate and started at the far tip of the slice and chewed slowly backward. In about an hour he would make it all the way back to the crust.
Before midnight Randy was wholly satiated with an overabundance of ground beef, mushroom pieces, and tomato sauce. Marissa had consumed four slices of pizza and more than half the champagne. She was stuffed and slightly drunk burping and yawning. She went into the bedroom and appeared shortly wearing only a t-shirt.
Marissa slept soundly. Her breathing was long and gentle, her arms splayed out to her sides, her legs slightly bent to one side. Randy sat quietly on her tummy breathing very slow, quiet, lizard breaths but they were anything but relaxed breaths. He could feel his body gently shiver with the sound of thunder. Randy was waiting for Marissa to start dreaming. He had no idea how he knew, but he knew with absolute certainty she would dream. That would free him to do what needed to be done to Marissa. He would know when to begin moving. He felt her tummy shiver and saw her fingers open and close. Marissa's body was reacting to a tension she felt building in her dream. Randy facing her legs, quietly and as softly as he could, reversed his position. Now he saw the smooth muscles of her neck. He could see her chest rising slightly faster than before, her lips were slightly parted. A very soft sigh escaped her lips as if she was trying to speak with someone in her dream. Deep inside he felt the sigh release a powerful moment of clarity in his small lizard brain. The signal, the sign, he needed to move, and he would know what was required of him and Marissa. He took a slow, hesitant step moving all four feet forward, gently caressing Marissa with his tail which kept him perfectly balanced, he heard a very long sigh pass between Marissa's lips and felt her body slightly arch upward then gently resume its position. He looked in front of him and saw his head was gently pressing against the mound of one breast. Pushing up against the t-shirt and using his claws to hold himself almost vertical he was at eye level with Marissa's very taunt nipple. He could smell an intense musty fragrance. Randy anchored his mouth firmly on her nipple and bit as hard as he could. At first, his effort elicited a gentle moan, slightly louder than her light snoring, but then his teeth broke flesh and he felt fresh droplets of warm blood slowly flow down his gullet. That produced a loud scream from Marissa's lips, followed by, "What the fuck, Randy!".
"Randy?", she yelped.
But Randy the lizard was not near her at all. What she was looking at was a good-looking, almost statuesque man, wearing nary a thing. Where once he had a long tail he had a very long something else.
"Hush Marissa, I'll be right back." and the new Randy walked into the closet which was filled with beautiful suits, shirts, and other items required for the young man rapidly climbing the corporate ladder. Randy dressed very quickly and stepped back into the bedroom.
"But", gasped Marissa," the closet is filled with dresses; my clothes."
"Well, sweet thing",saidRandy, "things are changing very fast."
Marissa felt her perspective out of kilter. Randy seemed far too tall, and her neck itched very badly. She used her back legs to scratch her neck.
"Oh shit, no " yelled Marissa, but nary a sound came from her mouth. Not even a sad little hiss.
"Let me explain while you can still understand," Randy said.
One thousand years ago I looked like I do right now. I was rude to a powerful Jin. As punishment, I was turned into a lizard for a thousand years. For the first 900 years, I was only a lizard. After 900 years I was able to understand and talk to humans like you. Now, my lizard princess, I will put you outside so you do not starve in this apartment. He swooped her into his palm and dropped her into his breast pocket. He walked to the car which he could drive. He had all of Marissa's skills and knowledge. As he exited the garage, he flipped her outside the open window.
"Good luck," he cried.
Marissa heard absolutely nothing.
2,800 words
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